Uncontrolled Anger

Is anger stopping you from living the life you want? Here’s how you can transform your life, and move on from the past.

Everybody, not just men, knows what anger is. We’ve all felt it, whether it’s a fleeting emotion or a full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal, healthy human emotion, but it can be destructive if it gets out of control.

Uncontrolled anger can lead to problems at work, in your close relationships, and in your overall quality of life. In fact, you might feel as though that you’re at the mercy of some powerful and unpredictable force over which you’ve got no control. Anything sounding familiar?

As humans, our instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. It’s a natural response to threats; it inspires powerful but often aggressive feelings and behaviours which allow us to fight and defend ourselves when attacked. So, a certain amount of anger is necessary for our survival.

But, on the other hand, the law, and socially acceptable behaviour, means that we can’t physically lash out at everyone or everything that annoys or irritates us, can we!

But why do I feel so angry all the time?

Do you know that there’s always another emotion underneath the anger, such as sadness or hurt? But often, anger is so all-encompassing that it’s hard to figure out what it’s being fuelled by.

And so, the first question you need to ask yourself is, what emotion is underneath your anger? Have there been stressful or difficult experiences from your past which you’ve suppressed and never dealt with?

What do I mean?

Think about your life for a minute and pinpoint the stressful or difficult experiences that are the underlying cause of your anger. Did someone close to you tell you you were useless or not worthy of being loved as a child? Do hurtful words from the past continue to replay in your head even now? Did you suffer from physical or sexual abuse? Have you been a victim of domestic violence?

Put quite simply, you’ve experienced a violation of your boundaries, and your right to safety hasn’t been respected. Because many men, from such an early age, are taught they should “suck up their emotions and get on with it”, stressful experiences are never dealt with properly and instead are suppressed and “pushed down”.

The reason why you find yourself so angry is your inability to feel safe. And it’s this inability to feel safe which feeds the cycle of anger.

But the great news is that life doesn’t have to be this way, and you can move on and live the life you want and deserve.

So, how do I take back control of my life?

Once you acknowledge that something bad has happened to you and you work through the anger and learn to manage your triggers, you can live the life you want. Trust me; it can happen!

So, what can you try if you feel anger is starting to take control?

Relax and try self-calming

I know that for many people who’ve suffered stressful life experiences, relaxation doesn’t come easily. But taking some deep breaths, getting some exercise, or spending time outdoors can all help calm your fight or flight reaction.

Deal with stress in new ways

Finding new coping strategies to deal with the difficult life situations you’ll face can help control your anger. If you feel yourself becoming stressed, take a break, talk with a friend or loved one, or write what you’re feeling in a journal.

Change your thought patterns

The simple fact is that stressful and difficult experiences will change your brain and thought processes, particularly if you were quite young when they occurred. But your negative beliefs can be turned into positive thought patterns.

So, if any of this resonates with you and you’re ready to make a change and take the first step towards a positive future, I can help. By addressing and dealing with the emotions and issues behind your anger, you’ll be on the road to recovery because expressed anger is just the tip of the iceberg. Dealing with the root cause of your anger is what leads to healing.

Just imagine feeling empowered so that you can express yourself calmly and confidently without having to try and manage your anger! Trust me; it can happen because I’ve seen many people, just like you, deal with past experiences, overcome their anger and leave it behind, for good!

Don’t just cope with life … live it! You only get one go, so isn’t it time to move on and live the life you want and deserve? Take the first step in transforming your life by having a confidential chat with me at carol@moveoncounselling.com.au, or give me a call on 0429 922 765, I’d love to hear from you.