What is self love?

(And why is it so hard????? 🤔)

Self-love is a concept that has gained significant attention in recent years. It’s often celebrated as the key to a happy and fulfilling life. While the idea of loving oneself may sound simple, in reality, it’s a complex and often challenging journey.

Self-love isn’t always about feeling all mushy about yourself, or having a glowing feeling like you do for a loved one. Self-love is about being kind to yourself, having boundaries, speaking up for yourself, and doing things that can be hard, but you do it because you matter!!!!

For many years I was a doormat, because I lost who I was… I had poor boundaries, and I would second guess myself at everything!

I know that self-love can be difficult to attain and it’s a journey. It takes daily practice to foster a good working relationship with myself, in the same way I have to exercise to maintain my physical wellness, I have to use mental hacks, tools and a positive mindset to my emotional wellness. Basically, I need to treat myself like my own best friend.

Why is self-love so hard?

There are many factors that impact our relationship with ourselves, we are always learning, and often learn unhelpful things on our life’s journey.

1. Society often imposes unrealistic standards of beauty, success, and behavior on us. These expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism, feelings of never quite being good enough.
2. Negative self-talk and subconscious beliefs come from our life’s experiences, especially parents, school, friends and social impacts. The ideas that we took on as a child can be the programming that is still running our life as an adult.
3. Past experiences, especially traumatic ones, can significantly impact self-esteem and self-worth. Healing from these wounds can reduce anxiety, depression and reactivity to restore a sense of empowerment and calmness.
4. Embracing self-love requires vulnerability and self-acceptance. This can be scary, as it involves confronting our flaws and imperfections.
5. Self-love has been viewed as egotistical and arrogant, but self-love is not thinking you are better than anyone else. Maybe you have been told or heard people saying things like “don’t get too big for your boots” or “stop showing off”.

These subliminal messages soak into our psyche and then we worry about people thinking we are being conceited, so we keep ourselves small.

How can I develop more love for myself?

1. Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being is a tangible expression of self-love. This includes eating nourishing foods, getting enough rest, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
2. Self-love requires setting and maintaining boundaries that protect your emotional and mental health. It means saying no when necessary and prioritizing your needs.
3. Challenge your inner critic by replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Speak to yourself as you would to a cherished friend.
4. Mindfulness helps you become aware of your thoughts and emotions without judgment. It can be a powerful tool for understanding your self-critical tendencies and cultivating self-compassion.
5. Establish a self-care routine that includes activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Whether it’s meditation, exercise, journaling, or hobbies, make self-care a priority.
6. Regularly write down things you are grateful for, including qualities and achievements that make you proud. This can shift your focus from self-criticism to self-appreciation.
7. Choose to spend time with people who uplift and support you. Eliminate or minimize contact with individuals who bring negativity into your life.
8. Accept that you are not perfect, and that’s okay. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and use them as opportunities for growth.

Self-love is a lifelong journey, and it’s perfectly normal to face challenges along the way. The key is to be patient and compassionate with yourself. Remember that self-love is not selfish; it’s essential for your well-being and your ability to show love and compassion to others. By understanding why self-love can be difficult, embracing its true meaning, and actively working to improve your relationship with yourself, you can embark on a path to a happier, more fulfilling life.

If you feel that you are trying to implement these strategies and it feels like you are still stuck and unable to move forward, then click the link below and let’s have a chat.